Z is for Zindagi will rock again

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A to Z Challenge, Z

Z is for Zindagi that will rock again and that will breathe again with a new hope. Z is for Zindadilli we girls have shown time and again when things have not gone our way. And Z is for us the ZENANAs of the society – without whom this society will cripple and fall down for you see it is the woman who makes a home out of a house –whether these patriarchs want to believe or not – they are nothing without their women folk.

Pack all the women of their house to their mothers’ house and ask these men to do to the household jobs – I am sure they are going to make a mess of it. And we women the ZENANAs of the society are expected to work outside homes and manage homes and be expert in both the fields. So Z is for us the ZINDADILI of all the ZENANAS of the world!

Take a bow, ladies for without you this world is incomplete whatever patriarch society may say, think or do!

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Y is for Ya Ya Sisterhood

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A to Z Challenge, Y

Y is for Ya Ya Sisterhood! Sisterhood — the concept where we women stand up for each other and not against each other. The day we will start understanding this fact will be the day when the patriarch society will bow down before us and start respecting us. The respect that is our birthright as humans and till then we need to keep shouting — Ya Ya Sisterhood.

Believe in yourself and don’t stay silent.

X is for XY or XX — dilemma of our society

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A to Z Challenge, X

X is for XY or XX – the age-old dilemma of our society. Since the time immemorial the birth of a XX (daughter) has been seen as a burden on the Indian parents with relatives adding their acid comments like now you will only have to save, save and save more. Forget about spending and start saving from today itself else you will not have sufficient money for her dowry. And the comments change into sugar coated praises if the new born is a XY (boy).

This XX or XY fight is the result of patriarchal thought process that doesn’t see a daughter beyond a burden on the family expenses, and the carrier of numerous tensions. XX or daughters and daughter-in-laws are considered as the honour of the family hence they are restricted to talk to men outside their homes. And heaven forbid if a girl crosses a line then the answer is honour killing. Yes, the honour killing – where innocent girl and boy are either shot to death or killed mercilessly.

Similarly if the daughter –in –law gives birth to a baby boy she is praised to heaven and fed with loads of delicious and nutritious food but if she gave birth to a daughter then all hell breaks loose on her and she is treated badly. Ironically, the patriarchs of the society don’t realise the fact that a birth of daughter or son is basically in their son’s hands – after all he is the XY and the woman is XX all that scientific logic explains that it is son who is responsible for the birth of son or daughter.

But unfortunately the patriarchal society does not like to take any responsibility but is ready to blame the womenfolk because it shifts the focus from them and put it onto the women – a weaker sex according to them.

W is for working women and sexual harassment

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A to Z Challenge, W

W is for working women who face sexual harassment every day at work, in public transport or even while coming in their own transports. Lone woman is believed to be easy targets by the patriarchal society who feel that a woman must be accompanied by some man or the other – be it her father, brother or husband – but someone must be there with her always. Well gone are the times when a woman needed a chaperone – today she is doing most of the things on her own and is doing much better without the support from the men fold hence there is a growing discontent in the patriarchal society and thus to create unpleasant environs for the lady the society indulges in crude remarks, and resort to molestation.

Sexual harassment at work is not a new thing and it is definitely not a problem that will go away on its own. Men think that now that women are stepping out of their homes to work, aim for corporate ambitions, are wearing trousers or jeans to work, they (women) are also keen on taking part in the crude jokes men share at the water cooler during coffee breaks. But they tend to forget that the jokes are about women and no woman will tolerate that.

The kind of harassments that a working woman faces everyday in her life may include:

1. Groping by a senior official or a male colleague
2. Use of indecent language that pervades the privacy of woman
3. Deliberate touching of self private parts while talking to woman
4. Back slapping woman to appreciate her efforts and then letting the hand linger on for too long.

These are few of the harassments that a woman faces everyday and she does deal with them effectively in her own way but my question is WHY DO WE NEED TO SUFFER THIS AND BE WORRIED ABOUT ONE ADDITIONAL TENSION WHEN THE WORK ENVIRONMENT IS ALREADY SO STRESSED?

WHAT DO THESE MEN GAIN BY HARASSING THEIR CO-WORKERS AND WHY CAN’T A MAN LOOK AT WOMAN AS AN INDIVIDUAL RATHER THAN AN OBJECT OF PLEASURE?

V is for Violence

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A to Z Challenge, V

V is for Violence that women face every day in their lives. Whether it is domestic violence, sexual abuse men don’t really think twice before being violent with their wives and girlfriends. Disturbing pattern is that even women are party to this violence. Hitting, verbally abusing is pretty common in many households. And it is normal for a man to raise his hand or his voice on his wife but if the wife raises her voice the first person to stop you will be his mother – a woman again.

Violence in any form negates the right to quality life and also teaches kids that it is ok to be violent to get what you want. The result is that children also start treating their moms violently. They answer her back because they have seen their father, and grandparents doing it.

Violence in any form attacks the confidence of the victim and can reduce even the confident working woman into a shy, hesitant one who is scared to open her mouth. The lady becomes nervous and talks with her hand on her mouth because she is scared to say anything that can instigate the violence.

Let’s speak up against violence and the violent men of the society.

 

U is for Umbrella

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A to Z Challenge, U

U is for Umbrella (condom) not for us! Chattri in Hindi and umbrella in English is the most common synonym for Condoms used by the shy population of India – that does not talk about safe sex, condoms and other contraceptives openly. For the country that does not talk about intimacy, safe sex and condoms openly, it is not surprising that there are cases of rape, domestic violence and HIV/AIDS amongst women.

Do you know that wearing a condom oops sorry umbrella is consider as an insult to the manhood in some communities and women are not allowed to use any sort of protection either. Allowed is a mild term for what women go through. It is also seen that the families where the man is violent and domestic violence is the order of the day in such homes women don’t have much say and also in such cases there have been instances where the man is known to have multiple partners apart from the wife at home. (Have written a short story on it from the prompt I got from a fellow blogger and will be posting that as well soon)

Men don’t like to use condoms because they feel it is against their masculinity. I am not saying that all men are like that but there are men who feel that using condom sorry umbrella means that they are not capable of giving pleasure and that hurts their ego. It is not just in India that there are men who don’t like to wear condoms it is the case in America as well. In this link a fellow blogger Jazz Shaw at http://www.themoderatevoice.com have clearly said that it is the difference in pleasure that men detest wearing a condom and don’t mind putting women at risk for numerous STDs.

And that’s the reason they say that Umbrella is not for us – meaning condoms is not for us!

T is for Trafficking

T is for Third Sex and trafficking of girls for prostitution! Well when I had started the challenge I was pretty sure of my T but while doing the challenge I came across some photo session done by a friend and an information that on April 16, 2014, Supreme Court of India had granted the status of Third Gender/Sex to transgender, gays and lesbians and also have provided them with the right to start a family. A new lease of life to all the people belonging to the third sex!

Maybe things will improve for the transgenders of the society because other than the sex workers this is the most abused strata of the society. The third sex people especially the transgenders or the eunuchs who in the local parlance are known as Hijras face abuse from all sorts of people – Police, bus and auto-rickshaw drivers – these people have used and abused eunuchs at almost every occasion. The transgender face sexual abuse from the low-income group of the society like police constables, vegetable vendors, washer men and daily wage labours among others.

If they are good looking and have feminine looks then they are also included in the weddings of wealthy patrons for some item numbers and also pleasing the guests of the party. And we all know the kind of parties wealthy people have.

Another T that needs attention is the TRAFFICKING. Yes T is for Trafficking as well. Trafficking of the girls for prostitution, domestic labours and begging. Prostitution is all about sex trade we all know that but did you know that as a domestic help too young girls are used, abused and then thrown away to fend for themselves. Where do they go – to the brothel or begging? Beggars are also abused by the people who make them beg – the cases of drug abuse, sexual abuse and sodomy are quite common in the begging industry. Yes it is an industry.

So T is for Trafficking and Transgenders abuse and our need to stop it.

S is for Sex Workers and Abuse

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A to Z Challenge, S

S is for sex workers and sexual abuse they face in the name of profession they are in and the services they offer. Just because they are sex workers doesn’t mean that they are not human beings with self respect and dignity. In most of the cases sex workers are treated as objects of pleasure by the male customers who pay money for all the dirty things they do with these ladies and they can’t say no – they don’t have the right to say no.

I was reading in a leading magazine for women couple of years back how these sex workers are treated shabbily by both the wealthy patrons and the pimps of the brothel. Some of the demands of the customer are atrocious and some downright insulting read the quotes from sex workers in the story. The general belief in India as far as prostitutes or sex workers are concerned is not healthy and thus restore to inhuman behaviour with them.

Stories of sex workers around the world are same – they need money to support their family and no other job gives them such huge amount. For instance when Ruth W. Messinger the president of American Jewish World Service, met a sex worker in Thailand she was amazed to know that the lady – a mother of three – had a choice but chose prostitution as her means to earn money because that gave her (a) enough time with her kids, (b) hefty money to put them in good schools.

In India, sex workers or Vaishyas as they are called in Hindi are treated without any respect and the holier than thou customers who visit them have strange sexual fantasies, which they can’t enact with their partners, spouse hence come to these women. One sex worker revealed that a customer had fantasies of making out with a bride so I had to dress up as a bride complete with the bridal jewellery and the gajra, which he then loved taking them off before he did the act. Another customer had a fantasy of beating the woman black and blue before he made it out with her – yes these are horrendous tales of abuse but these ladies face this day in and day out without complaining.

P.S. Today I would like to thank the admins of A to Z challenge! It is only because of this challenge I am able to write on the topics I have been sitting on for too long. Thank you – T is really confusing should it be T for Trafficking or T for Third Sex. Please help.

R is for Rape — a social stigma

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A to Z Challenge, R

R is for Rape – a social stigma on our civilised society. Rape the word itself conjures images that are heart wrenching and mind numbing; hence it is difficult to imagine the situation in which the girl finds herself after the heinous crime is committed. So what exactly do we mean by rape and what can we do make ourselves safe. However, before we learn about the definition, we have to understand that rape under no circumstances is a woman’s fault. For the simple reason – man who has to behave like an animal will behave like one without a woman’s provoking.

Definition of Rape

Rape has been defined as a forced sex and that includes forcing a body part in the woman’s vagina, rectum or mouth. Rape is a result of animal lust in men who under the heavy influence of alcohol, drugs or any other substance abuse just don’t remember what they are doing.

Rape and its consequences

The consequences whatever they maybe have to be borne by woman and not the rapist because it was not a rapist fault that a girl was raped. It was the girl’s fault and that’s how the patriarchal society wants everyone to believe – she was raped because she was wearing a – provocative short dress, salwar kameez without duppatta, she was out in the night alone or with a man (it doesn’t matter who the man is – could be brother, cousin, or even a father) a man is a man is a man. The main consequence a rape victim has to face is ‘victim blaming’ like I said earlier whatever the case it is always woman’s fault.

Rape and Emotional trauma

Rape is not just a sexual assault on a woman in fact it is a emotional attack on her senses and as a result she can go into depression, try to kill herself or just lose her senses and start behaving like a woman possessed. Even if she manages to come out of this stage the nightmares continue and a woman becomes scared of intimate relations for the life.

Rape as I said is a heinous crime and when certain politicians try to pass it off as a mistake by boys in their youth they are supporting the crime and making it easier for the culprits to commit the crime and be scot free. If rape is a crime then gang rape is a crime of a barbarian order – where men behave like animals and take turns with a woman.

So as a society let’s raise our voices against Rape and make this society a safe place for women.

 

 

 

 

 

Q is for Quality of Life for women and children

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A to Z Challenge, Q

Q is for Quality life for both women and children – something that they both deserve but rarely get. Until and unless we start treating women as at par with men and till the time the patriarchal thinking is not uprooted from the society the women in our society can’t feel safe. And after Azam Khan’s statement that we are not criminals to say sorry – the hope for a safe society for our women and children is a distant dream.

Q is for the question that every woman is asking these days – where is the safety – we wear decent saris we get ogled at, gang-raped or worst case scenario – get raped by our own husbands. And this Question is the most important one because without this there can be no Quality of life for the backbones (women) and the future of our society (children).

For all those who disagree with me when I call women the backbones of this society here’s a little truth – A child is born from a woman’s womb and it is she who makes this society civilised. If there had been no women in the society, men would have had their way and that would have been – drinking and making merry. There would have been no cooking, cleaning and washing because the PATRIARCHAL MINDSET FINDS ALL THESE TASKS BELOW THEIR DIGNITY AS IT IS A WOMAN’S JOB!