Recently read a blog on Parentous http://www.parentous.com/2013/08/07/motherhood-can-be-lonely-mother-feeling-lonely-stay-at-home-mom/ and the thoughts that overflowed in my mind at that time is what this post all about. I have titled it as confessions of a Mom because I feel that any woman who becomes a mom faces lots of flak from everywhere. So here’s a list of things I would like to share with all the new moms and to be moms to make you feel better.
Today my son Prince A is five-years-old and out of these five years I have been with him for three years i.e. from his birth to the time when he was two and a half and now again when he entered his fifth year, however, I realised that whenever I tried to do some personal work other than taking care of my infant son, I had this guilt popping up. Yes, it did increased in frequency when I started working full time, especially when my son hug me tightly with tears in his liquid brown eyes saying please don’t go to office momma.
There will always be someone to criticise you – people like your in-laws, parents, and yes even at times your husband (one person who is supposed to stand beside you) Especially if he is a type who believes that what his parents say is correct and whatever his wife says is wrong. It is the fact of life, more so if you are staying in a joint family where in-laws are the head of the family.
In the eyes of your in laws especially MIL, you will never be a competent mom – even though they had done a shoddy job of raising their kids and happily admitting it that they did commit some mistakes. The height of incompetency in the eyes of MIL increases if she was staying in a nuclear family. In many families the in laws had moved out of their in laws place and created new life for themselves. Heaven forbid, if that has been the case, as that will be bore down your throat every now and then. But then take it in your stride and remember that YOU ARE THE MOM and NOT SHE.
Living in a joint family is not a guarantee that you will get enough support! Well, this may be true for some and may not be true for some. There is a support system in the sense that when you go out for work they are looking after your kid, but obviously you can’t shut yourself in a room with your laptop if you are at home. Agreed you can’t do that when you are in a nuclear family too, but then it will be your decision and not theirs whether to lock yourself in the room or not.
Egos are fragile, in-laws are ageing and your kid is growing. All this will add on to the tussle and a guilt trip is on for sure. As working mom you are expected to take care of not only your son but your husband and in laws and time is surely a limit. Lunch is to prepared and packed, tea has to be served and the father-son duo had to be woken up. Then there is power struggle begins, as the kid refuses to go for brushing or eat his/her breakfast. Mom seeks help from father and in laws intervene you do it; he is not capable of handling him/her. Excuse me?? What do they mean not capable of handling his own child. No time to argue you go on a guilt trip again if you bribe your kid in doing something that he or she is supposed to do without the bribe.
School, TV and other media will influence your child. You have to remember that certain things are beyond your control especially if you are working mom staying in a joint family and the favourite pastime of the family is watching TV. Kids catch up pretty fast; he/she will remember all the serials, commercials and anything else he is not suppose to remember but his lessons.
Comparisons do more harm than good so nip them in the bud. And if someone else tries to compare just shut them up by saying that each child is different from other, even two kids of same mom are not similar in nature, so how can you expect two children being alike in temperament.
Negativity kills growth. Never use negative words in front of a kid. Never say that you are good for nothing, because he will start believing and that will affect his mental growth. So encourage him with appreciative words every time. Especially when he is at fault because that is the time he needs your love the most. So indulge him.
If these lessons were not enough I came across a blog post on how a ‘good mother’ is supposed to behave (http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/09/the-good-mother/). In all honesty, I believed that a mother is just that a MOTHER. This concept of Good Mother, Bad Mother is really new to me and quite incomprehensible. As a parent especially as a mom you are the best judge of your child.
What are your views on parenting? Please do share here.
This post is a part of Ultimate Blog Challenge Day 9.