Can you buy children’s affection through expensive gifts?
The answer to that question is a definite no. I don’t think you can buy anyone’s affection by expensive gifts least of all children’s. Children might be happy to receive gifts from you now and then when they are young, however as they grow old they will become wary of your gifts and might just ignore them, just like you have been ignoring them for reasons best known to yourself.
In addition to that it is relatively easy to pacify a young child with a new toy or dress any other expensive gift but it is all the more difficult to do so with a growing child. A growing child has his own needs and desires, which if not attended to, can turn the child into a rebel or worse a calculated manipulative individual who starts taking everything for granted.
Buying expensive gifts for your child itself is not a bad idea, what is bad is the thought with which the gifts have been bought – the thoughts of guilt that you are not able to spend time with your child; that you were not there for his school function or for his birthday party. You got the idea. If you are buying a gift for your child, buy it out of love and not guilt. Don’t be fooled by your child’s enthusiasm at receiving the gifts. It could be feigned and children are better mind readers as compared to adults. Hence they will know if the gift is been given out of love or out of guilt.
Children will not remember your gifts; they will remember your love, your willingness, or unwillingness to spend time with them. They will not understand that you have business engagements, which is why it’s difficult for you to spend time with them. They will see that parents have no time for them and hence will start feeling that they are unwanted, unloved and can fall into bad company.
- A doodle to describe a child’s feeling on receiving expensive gift from his father. Doodle courtsey MySay. for more such apt doodles on current topics visit http://mysay.in
Think from a child’s point of view and not from yours. A child whose parents are always absent from his life even on the days important to him, starts feeling that his parents love money more than him. Such a child grows up to be a cynic, loner and wary of intimate relationships. And of course since he has seen you trying to buy his affection through expensive gifts he would know no other way to woo people. And usually people are wary of such kind of persons as they don’t know what feelings or emotions are. They have not seen you expressing your love through hugs, caresses or appreciate them with kind, positive words so how can they do it when they grow up.
Children learn from imitation. So if the parents have been lavishly spoiling the child with gifts he would try to do the same with the people around him when he grows up. Surely you would not want your child to grow up into a hard core cynic who does not have respect for people and relationships. If not, then stop trying to buy his affection with expensive gifts and try to spend some quality time with your child.
Hence buying expensive gifts might seem a lucrative option for working parents; however it is not a wise one. So instead of showering your child with materialistic gifts, shower him with your love. Your child will ever be grateful to you.
P.S. As a working mom (who is currently unemployed) to a five-year-old preschooler, I have learnt that my son doesn’t want gifts at all and that includes chocolates, or treats or anything. Instead he wants me to spend my time with him and does not want to join a regular job again.
I understand his unwillingness to let me out of sight but then when I sit with him and try to make him understand that it is important for both papa and momma to work so that we can provide A with good education – he understands though that depends on his mood.